From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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