know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize