So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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