if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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