I love black thongs
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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