did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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