I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize