i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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