I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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