I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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