the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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