That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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