Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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