So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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