So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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