just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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