So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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