So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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