Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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