Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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