tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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