My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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