are you still at the devil's house?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize