but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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