I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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