Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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