I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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