We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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