people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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