The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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