Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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