1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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