dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize