Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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