I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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