Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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