You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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