you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize