No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
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he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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