Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize