I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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