when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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