Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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