Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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