he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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