Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize