Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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