remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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