Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
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This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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