Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize